Update: Painful Few Months

I have to apologize for my recent hiatus but the past few months have taken quite the turn that I was not prepared for. Since switching neurologists and therefore adjusting my medications and treatments, I have been in a state of constant pain for almost three months. I have been seeing different specialists almost every day and am working towards getting answers but I have been waking up with migraines every. single. day. I knew the changes that I was making were going to affect me and as a chronic pain warrior who holds a full-time job I thought I had been through it all but I have to admit I have really been going through it. I don’t know if there was any way I could have prepared for the way I have been feeling these past few months.

I am not one that likes to admit weakness. I’m used to being able to smile through pain. I’ve had about 20 years of practice. I always answer, ‘How Are You?’ with ‘Good,’ and ‘Great.’ Lately, my answers have been more along the lines of, ‘Fine,’ ‘OK,’ and ‘Alright’. Still not honest, but a little less cheerful. I always thought the ability to hide my pain and live these two separate lives where no one really knew how much pain I was in was a talent, but now I’m convinced its a detriment. I struggle with not wanting to be a downer or a burden on anyone, but at the same time its a lonely place not being truly understood. It gets overwhelming having to deal with everything that comes with a chronic illness on your own.

After living for so long one way, and being so damn convincing, how do you all of a sudden learn to ask for help? Does anyone else ever feel this way or am I the only one?

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One thought on “Update: Painful Few Months

  1. I think friends and family want to help, but cannot know how to help unless you ask. Hopefully, what you will learn is that everyone who loves you will try their very best to be there for you as you have been for them. đŸ˜˜

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