My Inner Katniss

I am the baby in a family of successful, outspoken, type-A, self-sufficient bad-asses. I’ve always been proud of the family I was born into but it hasn’t always been easy being deemed the “weak” one. It seems like whether it’s sports or business my family members are always excelling and I’ve always felt myself trying a little bit harder to find my niche and keep up, even long before any chronic illness came into the picture.

My big sister and I used to play Gladiators — a fight to the death, where we would stand on top of one of our beds and hit each other until the other fell off. I always fell off first.

When my idea of catching the softball was to stick my glove in the air, close my eyes and hope for the best, my parents agreed it was best to pull me from the team. Everyone felt a little bit safer with me watching from the sidelines and cheering on my sister instead.

So when I started getting migraines in 8th grade and had to stop playing basketball, something that I finally found out I was good at, it made me feel weak and left out from my competitive family of all-stars. The rest of my days became crowded with doctor appointments, tests, surgeries, missed days of school. . . soon there was no doubt in anyone’s mind — I was the weakest link. Goodbye.

But now looking back on all that I’ve been through I would never use weak as a term to describe me. I think though I may feel physically weak at times, my mentality has never been stronger. I don’t know that anyone could go through what I go through on a daily basis. I have a severely high tolerance for pain. Though I may look normal on the outside most days I have some degree of a headache that’s only a fraction of the type of headache the average person has experienced, and hopefully will ever experience, in their lifetime. Some might have given up by now, and believe me there are many times when I have thought about it, but its my mental toughness that keeps me going. My body has put me through a lot and has tested my limits. But I refuse to let it break me.

Recently, my strength was tested yet again.  I got a new medicine to try from the doctor. It’s an injection with medication in it to stop a migraine once it has developed. At first, I was very against it. I didn’t think I could give myself a shot. I am extremely afraid of needles and couldn’t come to terms with the idea. Granted, I waited till I got the news that they came out with a needless injection. . . but that’s neither here nor there.

Whenever I find myself about to chicken out, I take a deep breath and say to myself, WWKD “What Would Katniss Do?” You know. . . Katniss Everdeen . . . the kick ass heroine of one of the greatest trilogies of all time The Hunger Games. Because say what you will about the hype or the tweens, this heroine was one mentally tough chick who was able to do what she had to in order to survive and do the right thing for herself and her family. I admire her and if she helps me get through one day without a migraine, then so be it.

I’ve had to give myself lots of shots and though it never gets easier, the small amount of pain for a short period of time is worth the possibility of eliminating the extreme pain in my head for an extended period of time.

You never know what you are capable of until you are pushed to the limits. I’m sure Katniss didn’t think that she was capable of killing anyone before she volunteered for the Hunger Games.

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One thought on “My Inner Katniss

  1. You are the strongest person I know!! Weak? Not in the least! I could not be prouder of you and they way you’ve handled yourself thru all tou’ve been thru. The bravest, kindest, most thoughtful person.
    They say G-d doesn’t give you more than you can handle, you certainly have been tested and have handled your share better than most!

    You are my hero!! Love, Mom

    Like

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